The way you eat causes loss of appetites.
Grandma’s apple pie … (mm-mm!)
before I’ve even had a slice,
your eye is on my plate trying to ask for bites.
Seeing you dine without a fork and plastic knife
is by far the most primitive and saddest sight.
You need to do us all a favor
and make the sacrifice
to fast for life –
because it’s a misdeed
watching you eat crackers and Swiss cheese.
A simple act turned into an aesthetic blitzkrieg
that could’ve made your lips bleed.
I’d rather watch a scarecrow do a strip tease.
Don’t open that bag of chips, please!
You know, there are napkins,
so stop wiping sauce on your ripped jeans
and unfastening your belt to “let your hips breathe.”
Oh, great – other people in the restaurant
are requesting to switch seats
because you chew like a slugger in the big leagues.
Dumping hot sauce on everything
ejecting minced meat
onto my cheek whenever you misspeak.
You disgust even pigs that lick feet!
By Darryl Walker Jr
(c) Copyright 2016-2017
Prompt: Clean
Zone of Non-being 
November 6, 2016 at 9:52 am
Lmfao dammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm brotha, I wonder who inspired this?? Haha
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November 6, 2016 at 9:59 am
Lol – my pops. He eats standing up with his mouth open and it drives me insaneeeeeee
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November 6, 2016 at 10:08 am
Oh ok haha? So what’s the deal with relish? I hate pickles and relish myself.
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November 6, 2016 at 10:11 am
I am not crazy about relish either lol.
“Relish” is the daily word prompt – so I added that line to make it visible in the Daily Post feed
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November 6, 2016 at 11:18 am
Ohhh ok.
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November 6, 2016 at 9:18 pm
Brotha Daryl, there’s a deep brotha I think you should check out, his name is Eddiestarofficial, here on wordpress. I think you and him are 2 of the domestic brothas on here man
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November 6, 2016 at 9:36 pm
Good looks bro
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November 8, 2016 at 8:19 pm
LOL!!!
Imma need you to leave dear Darryl Walker Sr alone! LOL!
Just kidding 🙂
I loved it!
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November 8, 2016 at 8:26 pm
Lmao! Glad you enjoyed it! =D
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November 8, 2016 at 8:30 pm
I did! I thought it was quite clever and actually it reminds me of my dad too! LOL!!!
BTW I left you a comment in your brilliant post on welfare–it might have gone to your spam though.
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November 8, 2016 at 8:40 pm
Thanks! Lol – I wonder if it is a male thing more generally. I have an older sister and a younger brother, and as children, my sister would always get scolded by my father on Thanksgiving for putting her elbow on the table … meanwhile he is over there chewing with his mouth open lmao. It reminds of dating dynamics where a couple is out at a restaurant for the first time and a woman typically feels like she has to eat like a bird whereas the guy is over there pigging out smh lol
Thank you for characterizing the post as brilliant. If I weren’t so dark skinned I am sure I would blush lol. It hasn’t showed up in my notifications, and its not on the page itself. I would never ignore you, so thanks for letting me know.
If you have the time, can you please relay your message about the welfare post again here? =D
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November 8, 2016 at 8:49 pm
You are very welcome love, I do think that it’s a male thing because women are more self conscious when it comes to impressing a dude for the first time. Oh, but once we get used to you it’s on.
I remember my first date. We were two teens at McDonalds. Bear in mind that this was in the mid 1980’s (yes I’m THAT old) How ’bout dude kept insisted on sitting right beside me in a booth. I was so irritated, I kept saying, “Hey wouldn’t it be better if you sat across from me so we can make better eye contact?”
He was like, “No, I wanna sit right next to you.”
Holy hell!
So there we sat bumping elbows while trying to eat freaking Big Macs and fries! LOL!!
As for the welfare post, I can see it from my end-it’s showing as being as “in moderation.”
I’ve copy/pasted:
Now this is what I’m talking about. An accurate analysis of what’s really going on. Both you and Tareau hit on some glaring issues that most people either don’t know or opt to ignore.
(Tareau’s point about the exorbitant amount of money spent on military defense and your point about ‘welfare’ not being a problem until black folks started receiving it.)
Every now and then I toy with the idea of posting an infographic of the Budget of the United States of America so that people can see just how little is spent on Welfare/Medicaid in comparison to Miliary spending, Medicare, and Social Security.
Here’s something funny that I ranted about on another blog. Do you guys remember the whole sequestration issue back in 2013 when those crazy-ass Tea partiers hijacked the budget? Yeah, well I remember some folks saying..”Good. let’s stick it to ’em!” Baby, they were all gung-ho until they realized that they weren’t going to get their social security checks! HA!
Once they figured that out, they changed their minds! They wanted something to be done! Can you say “Big Dummies?” LOL!
Similarly, it’s so sad to see how the rich have convinced the working class to be more concerned about “balanced budget” or “deficit spending” than they are about programs that provide assistance to folks.
Let me tell you, I am a mother and if I had to choose between a freaking balanced budget and feeding my babies you better know I’m gonna feed my babies! That’s real talk!
Guys, I really enjoyed this conversation. Thank you Bro Darryl for initiating it!
Can’t wait to read more.
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November 8, 2016 at 9:21 pm
Lol @ sitting side by side on that date. That’s awkward! I’m with you – I cannot sit next to someone, I prefer to face them.
I am sorry about the moderation thing. I have no clue what is going on. Thank you for checking in about it – I am usually on top of responding in a timely manner. That frightens me a little, I hope I have not lost other comments. Now that we are following each other, I assume everything we go through fine =D
You make some excellent points about the welfare state. You should post that infographic! It is sad the way defense spending has totally eclipsed essentials like education. You are absolutely right about how all politicians always talk about “balanced budgets” and “deficit spending” but never get around to expanding these programs. But at the same time, whenever we need to fund one of these wars, all of a sudden they got all types of money on deck.
You are going to feed your baby instead of have a balanced budget!!? Lady G – what are you, some kind of human … with a heart? How dare you! How “unpatriotic” of you!! Lol – that is the implicit reasoning of this government lol. Thanks for advancing the discussion my friend! =D
And lmao @ the Sanford & Son reference to Big Dummies. If Trump wins tonight I’m gonna be clutching my chest looking at the sky like “I’m coming Elizabeth” !!!
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November 8, 2016 at 9:42 pm
Hey, I think that moderating thing might be a global glitch because I’ve had two or three conversations with different bloggers about missing comments. SMH.
Look at the bright side, if a blogger really wants to engage you, they’ll come back by-just like I did here 🙂
Thanks for your thoughtful response. You were exactly right on when you pointed out how politicians seem to be able to pull money out of nowhere where the military in concerned. If they backed off some of that defense money and, like you said, put some more into education we would have a literate, reasonable and rational population that could work with other nations to avoid all these wars.
Ok, Bro, Darryl! I’m coming down from my soapbox.
A sister done got worked up! LOL
No, again, I enjoyed it and thanks for feeling me as a mother who is way more concerned with caring for ALL kids than being bothered with an imaginary budget issue!
Before I go, I hollered when I read that you were gonna clutch your chest like Fred if Trump wins! LOL!!!
You won’t be the only one brah!
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November 8, 2016 at 9:51 pm
Thanks for letting me know about the glitch!
I definitely feel you on needing to re-center our needs. Looking forward to talking more with you about this soon!
You are a breath of fresh air – hilarious and intelligent!
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November 9, 2016 at 11:35 am
Thank you so much my friend. I feel the same way about you!
I love to see young intelligent folks exchanging ideas and sharing thoughts 🙂
Y’all give me my life 🙂
YAAASSSS!
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November 6, 2016 at 12:16 pm
OMG!! This exemplifies my BIGGEST pet peeves when people eat around me!!!! Love this!
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November 6, 2016 at 12:29 pm
Lol thanks! Its nauseating, right? I’m thinking: act like you know there are other people around!
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November 6, 2016 at 1:05 pm
Yes please. Why are you eating like you’ve never seen food😩
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November 6, 2016 at 1:12 pm
Lol no manners I tell you!
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November 6, 2016 at 1:19 pm
I just thought … I be hating when someone has soup and they be slurping it all extra loud. It takes every fiber of my being not to dump that bowl on them lol
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November 6, 2016 at 2:43 pm
Lmao nope I’m right there with you!
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November 6, 2016 at 9:54 pm
Omgosh! Darryl, I know we just met and I hate to disappoint, but you’d be writing a poem about me too lol I am the worse eater. People complain sometimes about my smacking and devouring food before their eyes. I eat, as someone said above as if I’ve never seen food because I love it sooo much. I almost died on the part about watching a scarecrow do a strip tease. 😂😂😂 seriously, I can tell you wrote this from the heart lol
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November 6, 2016 at 10:12 pm
Lmaoo!! I can understand – my maternal grandmother would always burp extremely loud at the dinner table, because she believed doing so signified her “satisfaction with the meal” lolol. So keep on enjoying that food, my friend 😂😂 I had to write this piece for my own sanity. I’m hoping Thanksgiving dinner with the family doesn’t trigger a sequel to this poem lol
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November 6, 2016 at 10:15 pm
lmao – it sounds like it might lol
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November 6, 2016 at 10:17 pm
Got my rhymebook ready lol 📒
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November 7, 2016 at 3:35 pm
It’s quite gross isn’t it? I’ve been a vegan/vegetarian for close to 40 years…so it’s hard for me to watch most people eat I’m afraid.
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November 9, 2016 at 9:16 pm
ROTFLMAO! Haaaa! This is hilarious bruh! Well done. Ha! Well done.
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November 9, 2016 at 10:20 pm
Thanks bro! A lot of people need a laugh right about now lol. Always good to have your feedback
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November 24, 2016 at 9:58 pm
This poem is rather amusing to me! I don’t think I am horrible eater but I can definitely throw down when nobody’s looking. Don’t Judge me LOL. But like always great play on your words. AND AGAIN BARS. Great stuff!!
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November 24, 2016 at 10:12 pm
Thank you!
Hey, it’s Thanksgiving, so I was throwing down today lol! I am a complete savage with my food when no one is looking!
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November 24, 2016 at 11:34 pm
Ok good. Glad we have that in common!
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February 2, 2017 at 12:24 pm
I can so picture this situation. Well written. If eating sounds like stirrings drywall mud in a 5 gallon bucket, then its gross… ugh! Such a good post. Well done.
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February 2, 2017 at 12:30 pm
Lol great description! I cannot stand it. Thank you Zachary!
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February 2, 2017 at 12:40 pm
My dad has always been hard of hearing, and he tries to stuff as much food in his mouth as possible, I don’t think he can hear what it sounds like… I grew up with this but I grade on the curve with my dad, he had a lot of bothers and sisters, so there wasn’t much food when he was little. Your story really hit home with me… again, awesome post! I loved the ‘slice’ of life it offered, and don’t worry, I chewed up in small ‘conversational bites’.
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February 2, 2017 at 12:44 pm
I feel you! I sympathize with your pain. This post was about my dad as well. He eats standing up with his mouth open, food falling out all over the place. It is gruesome.
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February 2, 2017 at 12:48 pm
Wow… so true. I get after my kids to eat, so you can still talk. I think I may be scarred… I often say to my kids, “I am glad to see that your eating, I just don’t want to see, or hear, you eating.”
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February 2, 2017 at 12:53 pm
Haha! Understandable! I have so many pet peeves when it comes to eating. Right near the top of my list is slurping soup. It makes me want to just dump the bowl on their head lol
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