The celebrations of birthdays, anniversaries, and graduations are joyous occasions in our lives. Uniting for the sake of recognizing a special person or relationship can evoke smiles and tears. But as family and friends gather around to open cards and gifts, the reality begins to emerge: our loved ones offer little more than empty clichés and pieces of paper with pictures of dead white men on the front. Here are some reasons we need to re-think the ways we celebrate important events, and a couple of suggestions for the future.
Opening More Than Just Our Wallets
Consumer capitalism perpetuates the idea that money and happiness are synonymous. While money certainly paves the way, it is not the only route to the Promised Land. We need to rid ourselves of the notion that simply inserting cash or a check into a card is sufficient. This passive, short-hand action overlooks the full range of human needs that currency fails to address.
For example, we all have a need to be recognized and feel important. But handing someone a gift card to a restaurant and walking away does not address these needs. Such a gesture sends the message: you eat, I eat, but we do not eat together. The most (in)valuable resource of all is time. It would be much better to invite them out to dinner and pay for it! But then, people would actually have to make eye contact and conversation for more than a few minutes. Oh no, how frightening! The unwillingness to do this in most cases stems, I imagine, from a fear of affection. Opening our wallets is not the same as opening our hearts. Let’s try to do the latter more often!
Signed, Sealed, and Plagiarized
Most people have gotten into the habit of purchasing ready-made cards from the supermarket. The words are then, as Stevie Wonder said, “signed, sealed, and delivered” to a very special person or persons.
The problem here is that the content is not original. Since every relationship is different, the person most qualified to address your deepest feelings is you. The words of a nameless and faceless stranger who sits in a cubicle miles away are a poor substitute for your own. Purchasing cards and scribbling your name at the bottom reflects a lack of faith in expressing your own thoughts. Not to mention the fact that attempting to describe a complex relationship with words off a conveyor belt can be insulting to the card’s recipient.
Anyone who has attended school has heard the teacher or professor lecture about the importance of academic honesty. Students are taught that they should never pass someone else’s work off as their own, or they will be guilty of plagiarism. Remember: when we buy a card written by another person, we are taking credit for their ideas. This is a textbook case of plagiarism! We allow our loved ones to give us hugs and kisses in reaction to the card; but never once do we stop them to suggest that they should thank Hallmark instead.
Buying cards is just downright lazy. All we have to do is stroll on over to aisle 9 and select a card from categories based on relationship and circumstance. A typical defense is that people buy cards because they are busy. This is nonsense. The time wasted driving to the store, searching for the “perfect” card, and waiting in line at the check-out counter is better spent creating your own card!
We need to re-learn how to express ourselves with the innocence of children again. Children do not buy gifts, they make them. When my siblings and I were younger, we did not have the money, of course, to purchase birthday cards or presents. So what did we do when Mommy’s birthday rolled around? We grabbed our crayons and construction paper, and drew pictures. Every year, my mother would receive many cards – but only those of her children would make her cry, and be hung up on the refrigerator.
Remember the cards and gifts you gave as a child the next time there is a celebration!
Prompt: Simple
October 3, 2016 at 6:29 pm
Great post. I really loved the part about capitalism. Could it be synonymous with the Catholic Church and Martin Luther? The old notion of paying money will absolve you from sins? But you’re 100% right. If I’m giving a gift, I would like it to be humorous.
LikeLiked by 3 people
October 3, 2016 at 7:24 pm
Thanks!
There are certainly religious overtones to capitalism. Priests were the first people to control the money supply, well before capitalism. Money was once given to priests as an offering to curry favor with God – but over time, money has become God itself. Money was once given to expiate guilt and absolve sins but nowadays it serves another purpose. As Ernest Becker argues, money now serves the purpose of helping us deny death. Let me flesh that out here:
The biggest problem for man is not poverty or sex or race, it is death. Death is the one thing we cannot conquer. Nature always gets the last word because it shuts down our bodies forever.
Money is, fundamentally, a denial of the body. If a man is ugly, he cannot gain the interest of a beautiful woman. But if he pays her money, he can purchase her intimacy. If a man cannot fight, he will be beaten up by stronger men. But if he has money, he can hire body guards or buy guns to protect him. As Marx said “he who buys bravery is brave, though he is a coward”. Money gives us access to a reality we otherwise would not be able to access. Money helps us transcend our physical limitations. Money helps us transcend and deny the ultimate physical limitation: death. Just think of the way we can take care of our families after we die via life insurance money etc – thus “living on” after death and getting the last word on nature.
Most religion is an attempt to deny death: they teach that we live on after death in heaven (i.e. Jesus was resurrected). Money is another religion that denies death.
LikeLiked by 3 people
January 26, 2017 at 12:21 pm
It’s lazy, and a quick fix to not having to think of something sentimental. And you’re right about religion. It’s an out for humans not to think about their own mortality.
LikeLiked by 2 people
January 26, 2017 at 5:16 pm
Ahh I see you with the fresh avatar bro. You are right: it’s a quick fix to avoid thinking and getting emotional. That’s what capitalism is all about, right? Never fix the problem, just throw a bandage over it and make a buck in the process.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 26, 2017 at 6:52 pm
Thanks man, have to switch it up sometimes…. Right and make a buck in the process!
LikeLiked by 1 person
October 3, 2016 at 7:26 pm
And I like giving humorous gifts too. Hallmark has tried to market funny cards but they are nothing in comparison to an organic message from a real person.
LikeLiked by 2 people
October 5, 2016 at 1:05 am
This analysis is pretty deep. I’m gonna go one step further to state that all parties need to be unplugged from the Matrix, for that real expression to be delivered as well, as received. In other words, for this to work the two people need to be on the same level; If romantically involved equally yoked in faith, philosophy, and programming. The 3 P’s. So a note written from the heart can find equal reception and value in the receiver’s heart. Great post. I like your site. You are dropping some jewels out here.
LikeLiked by 4 people
January 26, 2017 at 10:58 am
My bad Brother Malakhai for the late response – I am just now seeing this comment. Sometimes stuff gets lost in the shuffle for me. Thank you for reading and commenting on this one. That is a good summation with the 3 P’s and how we need to unplug – we really need to get back to original gifts. My birthday was a few days ago and I received 3 of the same birthday card =/ a damnnnn shame!
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 30, 2017 at 3:40 pm
sounds to me like you have 3 people who view you the same lol! What did the card say? I need to know in order to support my theory. lmao
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 30, 2017 at 3:45 pm
Lol!! The front side says : “Happy birthday”, and the inside says “Hoping you’ll enjoy today and all the special times that await you in the year ahead”. I wanna hear this theory! =D
LikeLiked by 2 people
January 30, 2017 at 4:39 pm
lmfao You win.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 30, 2017 at 4:42 pm
Nahhhhhhhhh say it!! It doesn’t have to be 100% true for it to be a good theory =D
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 26, 2017 at 12:47 pm
People don’t want to think of anything sentimental to say because people are not in touch with their emotions, and if they are, by the time their old enough to purchase something, they are insecure about those emotions and how to express them. We’re taught to lie (per Kelley’s post) and cover up how we truly feel. A store-bought card perpetuates that cycle. I didn’t say it; Hallmark did, but it sounds close enough to what I would say if I had the transparency to do so.
LikeLiked by 2 people
January 26, 2017 at 4:43 pm
Exactly! We should be more honest with ourselves and put the human mask down. You are right: purchasing cards is a way of outsourcing vulnerability to a random third party. Hallmark is a buffer whereby we insulate ourselves from harm.
We need to realize that relationships involve vulnerability. If we are not willing to open up with the other person, it’s not a relationship at all. Purchasing a card is a step toward denying the unavoidable (but beautiful) messiness of relationships.
LikeLiked by 3 people
January 30, 2017 at 3:59 pm
Or…is purchasing a card a sign that our relationships might be lacking substance altogether? When I feel close to someone – beyond relation or our history, I feel compelled to do more than buy a card. I like to personalize my gift for such a person. But if you’re someone that I feel SHOULD be valuable to me (or maybe IS valuable to me but still lacks a personal connection with me), a card is often my go-to. Maybe the issue isn’t that we are looking for cards to take the place of our feelings…maybe the issue is that our feelings aren’t really there.
On another note…forget you Darryl. I like buying cards lol. I enjoy sitting in the middle of the aisle with 15 options in front of me and narrowing them down based on what represents us the most lolol. And then I fill them with longgggggggggg messages that involve arrows and caps for special emphasis. 😀
Fun stuff – a friend of mine was going through a rough time where no man could please her. If he brought her a cake, it was a fail because it was red and she hates the color red so in short, he had poor listening skills lol. If he didn’t bring her cake, then he didn’t care at all! To lighten her mood, I got her this card and worked my magic. Take a look lol
https://scontent.ford4-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/14900539_10101175193829421_8951640176485368732_n.jpg?oh=e14894fea8de712578b070ef55a19ba2&oe=5945AFA0
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 30, 2017 at 4:29 pm
LOLLL! That card is epic! Nice work! You see…I have no objection to cards like that – because you “worked your magic” and made it yours! You said you add lonnggggg responses, too – that’s what is missing in a lot of cards. I need better friends perhaps lol! But if I receive a card from you, I want to feel YOUR spirit, your “magic” emanating from it – which, judging by your bestie’s response, you succeeded!
And nahhhh I can’t handle those card aisles. They are never organized properly! Probably because folks like YOU spend mad time there reading every card and putting them back in the wrong place! I know you don’t put them back in the right place, Josie. You’re the type to put the cards back BEHIND the envelopes! Lol – stop messing up the card aisles, Josie, and maybe I won’t write articles like this! =D lolol
That is a good angle to take on it, too: that purchasing a card is symptomatic of not having a solid relationship, so we buy cards to fill that void. I like what Kelley said as well – that she will take a phone call over a gift card. I’ll remix that and say I’ll take a visit or a phone call over anything else.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 30, 2017 at 4:47 pm
lmao I DO put the cards behind the envelopes! Now I feel like shit. So many people hate getting cards and its all my fault. lolololooolol.
As for a visit or phone call – I’m a bit of a recluse so I’ll take a gift card over both- preferably Visa. 🙂 lololol! JK (kinda). I do like phone calls. But don’t come over. Leave me alone to wallow in my aging, unaccomplished misery 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 30, 2017 at 5:03 pm
Lmaoooo!! I feel you, I tend to keep to myself as well. And I like gift cards because a lot of people be trying to buy me clothes and the stuff they be picking out be all kinds of tacky. They think I would rock some gray corduroys – those went outta style with FILAs in like 1998 lol. So yeah, I’ll take a gift card if THAT is the case lol.
You said “but don’t come over. Leave me alone to wallow in my aging, unaccomplished misery”. Wow. I don’t know what to say. Jokes aside, do you want to talk about it? (I know, I know, I am just a random blog dude from miles away, but … if it may help even a little, I am down to talk/listen).
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 30, 2017 at 5:09 pm
Idk, I sense that youre joking butttttt I just wanted to check as I have a gnawing feeling. Lol @ you probably thinking this is awkward. Its cool if you do. Just wanna make sure we – our blog community – is all good.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 30, 2017 at 5:35 pm
I am literally laughing my ass off. YES Darryl I’m good and NO this isn’t awkward lol! But I AM taking a little pleasure in the thought of you biting your nails in fear of having made it awkward lmfao. Not much throws me off – I have a pretty crazy sense of humor. Worry not!
But in all seriousness, I’m totally fine. I do hate birthdays with a passion though. They freak me out because I feel like I’m losing time to get my life together. No BS – I’m fearful of aging!
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 30, 2017 at 6:03 pm
*wipes bead of sweat off forehead* lol. Okay, good! I’d never seen that kind of self-deprecating humor from you so I was thrown off and just wanted to double check that wasn’t down in the dumps. But now I know – I use that kind of humor all the time; it takes all the fun out of people making fun of me because I do it better lol. I have a crazy sense of humor, too. Anything and everything has the potential to be funny – nothing is sacred.
I feel you on birthdays and aging. I resent the milestones that are imposed upon everyone: have this level of education, have that job, be married, move out yo mama’s basement, etc – its a lot of pressure.
LikeLike
January 26, 2017 at 12:57 pm
Great piece. The only person I receive cards from is my best friend, Tonya, on birthdays and Christmas. She is a Librarian, and has an appreciation for literature and words in general. Practically every card I’ve received from her has evoked a tearful response from me because they speak to our relationship, and how we feel about our friendship. I can always tell she at least took the time to scour Hallmark’s ailes and locate a card that genuinely expresses her sentiments, so for these reasons I save every card she gives me.
LikeLiked by 2 people
January 26, 2017 at 3:27 pm
Thanks my friend! Long time no see!
That is awesome! My mom does the same thing with saving cards. I, on the other hand, only save the cards written by my girlfriend or niece because they are tailored for me and me only. And my brother will buy a card and then mark it up to make it funny so I save those too lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 26, 2017 at 3:38 pm
Glad to see your writing is as terrific as ever and your subscribers growing more and more. Keep it up, my friend.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 26, 2017 at 3:47 pm
You were one of my first real subscribers. If not for your likes, comments, and guidance (about copyrighting) I would’ve given up on this platform. Thank you for all of your help and support!
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 26, 2017 at 4:06 pm
You are so welcome, Mr. Walker. I was sick for a long time, and had temporarily lost my desire to write. I had basically given up on my dreams, but Saturday my best friend gave me talked to me and told me she wanted me to start back writing again because it’s what I love and it makes me happy. I honestly didn’t even know she went on my site. She’s my best friend, but I honestly didn’t believe she was being supportive. I started back writing this Monday.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 26, 2017 at 5:11 pm
Wow. I hope your condition has improved. I am glad to hear your friend spoke with you about this. Your page is fabulous, and I look forward to reading more of your writing ☺
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 26, 2017 at 5:16 pm
Thank you. I truly appreciate your support of my writing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 26, 2017 at 5:18 pm
Ah I hate gift cards! I love cards tho. And I’m known to write whole letter on the blank side of them. I agree that we need to be more childlike with out approach to gift giving; if we can’t “afford” anything, we should spend time or create something. I’ve given my art as gifts and I’d love for others to put a little more thought into gift giving. I’d rather get a Happy ________ call than a gift card any day.
Great post 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 26, 2017 at 5:43 pm
Hi Kelley! Thank you! 😀
I feel you! I have a box full of blank cards. They come 10 to a pack for $5 as opposed to buying one card with words in it for $5.
We are similar in this regard: I write whole letters to people. I make jokes, draw pathetic stick figures, etc. As soon as we write what we feel, it becomes ours, even if the card has words in it. For my birthday, my brother bought me a pink card with a picture of a kitten on the front … and then he drew glasses and a beard on it so it could look like me, lol. Stuff like that is cool to me as long as they add their own flavor.
It is awesome that you’ve given your art away as gifts! Now THAT is thoughtful! Kinda reminds me of our discussion about bartering: we all have different talents to offer, so our gifts should be different, too! When we buy cards from a factory, and add nothing to it, we are saying all relations are standardized and robotic. We need to give gifts that are most consistent with who we are and how we feel.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 26, 2017 at 6:36 pm
So your brother thinks you look like a cat with a beard and glasses… hmmm, now that you mention it..
I just like thoughtful gestures which must be specific to the individual! We’re so conditioned to give canned gifts and expect people to just be happy that we spent a little change. Unacceptable!
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 26, 2017 at 6:37 pm
Lmaooo! And I agree, definitely unacceptable
LikeLike
January 27, 2017 at 10:18 am
I sent notes all the time, and if I buy a card, I write a lot in them or buy cards with unusual messages on them. There are some stores that specialize in ‘non-Hallmark’ type cards…I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. 🙂 But I agree, keeping connected in meaningful ways is paramount in this digital world. I’m very isolated now from friends and family, so it can very lonely. Something tangible is so amazing to me if I receive it–even a card, especially if someone has taken the time to write real words….Thanks for reminding us.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 28, 2017 at 8:48 pm
Hey my friend! Thanks for reading and commenting! I am glad you add your own ‘flavor’ in writing cards or buying those that are a bit unusual. I agree: we need something tangible. I am a bit turned off by those e-cards that can just be generated over the computer and sent through the Internet. There is no alternative to original words that you can hold!
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 29, 2017 at 7:55 am
Yes e-cards are just silly. Letters are a dying breed and to be treasured.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 30, 2017 at 2:08 pm
Dining together? Say what?
Naw brah, you gone on over to Applebee’s by yourself! I ain’t got no time for that! Hilarious!
Nobody wants real conversation and eye contact…so true!
Then you went and hollered “Signed, sealed, plagiarized!’
I see you been rambling in Big Darryl’s records again!
LOL!!!
But what you said is very accurate, the only thing needed for the card is a rubber-stamp!
You know, when I was about to graduate from college, one of my professors told me to forget about cards, gifts and money.
Instead, she advised me to ask for recommendations, references and network contacts! LOL!
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 30, 2017 at 4:51 pm
Lmaooooooooo @ “rambling in Big Darryl’s records again!” Damn you gave me an ill flashback right now of all the times I would get yelled at for stealing his music and scratching it up! Lol!
People ain’t got time for Applebees!! We cant be having all that mushy connection, now can we?! Lol! And that is awesome advice from your professor – those are the things that really matter at the end of the day, not gifts and money.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 30, 2017 at 8:18 pm
LOL!!!Big Darryl had to pull the strap out the cut! LOL!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 31, 2017 at 3:34 pm
Lmaoooooooo for reall!
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 31, 2017 at 11:21 pm
I agree that spending money is not the best way to show love to another during a special occasion. There is definitely so much more we can all do to express our love. It’s a strange relationship we have that is based on society’s programming of capitalism = care when it comes to gifts which is so far from the truth. With that said, I still love picking out cards. lol I take so long because I try to pick the perfect card for the person and then I write a personal note inside. I also just like the design of a certain store’s cards. So beautiful.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 31, 2017 at 11:40 pm
Lol, I could tell from the way you set up your statement that a “but” was coming. I was skimming for it – you used “with that said” instead lol. Nice rhetorical skills!
I feel you: its cool to pick out cards as long as you add your own ‘flavor’ to it. Once you add that personal note, it becomes your card.
I just had a thought/memory: I once met a woman who said she ran a business that specializes in writing personalized speeches – for weddings in particular. So they write the words that the best man/ maid of honor deliver at the wedding. What do you think of this? My immediate reaction is that it feels somewhat fraudulent because it is not their own words. But then again, as long as they are delivering the material and making people smile – does it matter who wrote it? I mean … we now live in an age where some of the top selling music artists (i.e. Beyonce) do not write all of their stuff, and elected officials often have ghost writers for their speeches. Are these less authentic? Normal?
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 1, 2017 at 12:12 am
Lol Thanks! I try to switch it up every once in awhile. As far as the personalized speeches …hmm that’s a hard one. A part of me is like “That is kind of weird and dishonest” and another part of me is like “But everyone is not a writer and as long as the emotion behind the words are real, then it’s cool.” So I guess I can see both sides of the coin with that one.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 1, 2017 at 1:21 am
I was a little on the fence but you grabbed me in. I totally understand where you are coming from with this post. I never thought about the lack of thought I gave when I buy my store bought cards. Honestly, its something I do and never think about. It is unoriginal to sign my name at the bottom posing that its my own true feelings. You got me thinking now. Maybe I will switch it up and get a card that is blank instead. Thanks for this enlightening post!
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 1, 2017 at 1:26 am
Thanks for reading this Alia! Yes, getting blank cards would be great, or maybe still buying regular cards but then writing a personal note on the inside. I mean .. after all ..you ARE a great writer, so it will be muchhhhh better than whatever Hallmark is saying =D
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 1, 2017 at 1:32 am
Ahh! Thank you very much. I will keep this conversation noted the next time its a birthday. lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
December 11, 2016 at 5:17 am
Thanks!
LikeLike