The mouth of nearly every being on the planet is located an appreciable distance from their anus. Typical floor designs for small apartments (and other houses), however, tend to overlook this fact by placing the bathroom near the kitchen. This spatial arrangement is a form of architectural terrorism that exposes residents and their guests to the most awkward situations.
Imagine you lived in such a place, and were hosting company for dinner. Everyone is sitting at the table laughing and enjoying their meal. But suddenly, one of your guests has an adverse reaction to the jalapeno chili dip. The disagreement between the food and their digestive system is violent, and the only peace treaty offered is a visit to the bathroom. Your guest dashes off and slams the door behind them.
With only a few feet of space and a door serving as a barrier, everyone now has a front row seat to a bowel movement. The disgusting sound effects that include straining and wiping will single-handedly ruin your appetite. Once they are done and open the door, the smell of feces travels into the kitchen, killing any desire for dessert.
Not only is this awkward for people in the kitchen, it is embarrassing for the person in the bathroom. Their self-consciousness is off the charts. They will undoubtedly spend a great deal of time with their pants around their ankles – just waiting for the coast to be clear. Instead of relieving themselves in a free and joyous manner, they torture their intestines trying to be polite.
A rational defense of this layout is that it is cheaper to connect the plumbing systems when they are closer together. But the drive for profit and efficiency overlooks the age-old saying: don’t shit where you eat. This phrase is a principle of civilization – which prides hygiene and health. We do not eat in the bathroom nor defecate in the kitchen – for we would become sick. The uncomfortable proximity between kitchen and bathroom tends toward barbarism and a great deal of prisons today. Just because we cannot afford a bigger home with a more sensible blueprint does not mean we should be subjected to dehumanizing conditions.
Our homes should be organized to mirror the formation of the human organism.
October 14, 2016 at 6:34 pm
I’ve always felt super uncomfortable in these situations. At a small get together or something and everyone is in the kitchen and looking at you when you come out of the bathroom. It is just awkward!!
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October 14, 2016 at 6:42 pm
Lol! I hope you didn’t exit the bathroom with toilet paper attached to your shoe 😂😂😂
Such an awful layout that betrays common sense.
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October 15, 2016 at 7:16 pm
Nope! No tissue incidents lol.
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March 30, 2017 at 10:08 am
The toilet paper thing actually happened to me on an outing last month. I felt as if I was in the twilight zone 😦
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April 3, 2017 at 12:12 pm
Awwwwwwwww lol. That reminds me. I want to do another piece on bathroom hygiene yo! There are unwritten rules that we need to talk about with this stuff. It’s called “shit and shower”. This means we should try to take our shits before we leave the house and take a shower right after. Of course, nature calls .. so this is impossible sometimes, so in that case, you have to handle this in public. But we need to realize that toilet paper is highly inefficient. It doesnt clean it all up. It leaves alot of residue and odor. So when a woman takes a duece in public and then she tries to get busy later on, it’s going to be a disaster. So women need to be carrying baby wipes in their purses STRAIGHT UP. Why? Because baby wipes are wet and they are like a portable bath. Ain’t nobody trynna bend over no funky booty chick. I personally think toilet paper should be illegal lol so yeah thats another satire coming soon this was just just a draft
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April 3, 2017 at 4:30 pm
lmfaoooooooooo omg I can’t with you
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October 14, 2016 at 11:43 pm
Hahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahah what’s worse is when your bedroom is adjacent to the bathroom
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October 15, 2016 at 1:59 am
Lmao bro I was going to write about that dynamic, too. Its awful when your spouse is in the bathroom smelling it up and then they come back in the room trying to get busy. Awww man
What is the all time worst is when you’re a child and your parents bedroom is next to yours and they are getting down and dirty in the middle of the night lmao … traumatizing bro. no child should have to hear their mom in that state
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October 15, 2016 at 2:01 am
Lmfao hahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahha. Right.
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October 17, 2016 at 8:20 am
I couldn’t help laughing either! Unfortunately, if that were me in the bathroom, I’d probably never come again. 🙂
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October 17, 2016 at 2:04 pm
Lol – me neither! Such an embarrassing situation!
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October 17, 2016 at 8:17 pm
😀
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October 17, 2016 at 8:18 pm
Thanks for reading and commenting =)
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March 4, 2017 at 3:16 pm
lol – our first house was big enough so that the bathroom was on the other side of the house and not right next to the kitchen. Now that we’re in a different set up, the kitchen is directly across from the guest bathroom. I’d never even thought about how crazy this is until you just said it lol
Other thing is in Japan, their toilets have a little button you push that masks the noise of using the toilet.
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March 4, 2017 at 5:43 pm
Lol! You are fortunate to have lived in a place where they were far apart. I have never lived in a placed where there was some distance between the rooms. Profoundly awkward! I never realized how weird it was until I went to church a few years ago and realized they removed the toilet from the bathroom next to the sanctuary. When I asked why, one of the deacons said people kept “taking care of business” during prayer. Lmao @ everyone saying “Our Father who art in heaven” and someone in the bathroom taking a duece.
And I need in on one of those Japan-style toilets! I like when houses have a switch in the bathroom for the vents to remove the fog from the mirror … because they make noise lol. I would say the same thing about some public restrooms when they have those noisy hand dryers … but these places need to get it together with the bathroom stalls! We need to pass a law that says the gap between the stall door and the wall cannot be anymore than 1/16 of an inch. I am tired of making eye contact with people lol.
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March 4, 2017 at 7:43 pm
Lmao why people so disrespectful during prayer lol that made me laugh
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March 4, 2017 at 6:31 pm
As a germophobe, I say Keep the kitchen and bathroom FAR apart, very far apart! And stock the bathroom with soaps, lots of soaps! 🙂
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March 4, 2017 at 8:16 pm
Yes!! Preferably the dispensable soaps. Do you like bars of soap? I feel like they always have strands of hair on them! Lol
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March 4, 2017 at 9:50 pm
Yes, but I like all soaps!
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March 4, 2017 at 10:50 pm
The realities of Life. Ew!! Hair on soap. Thanks, I think, for this post.
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March 6, 2017 at 5:49 am
Lol. Thank you for reading! 😀
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March 30, 2017 at 10:09 am
Hair on soap and man-hair in sink *gag* lol.
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March 30, 2017 at 10:10 am
I should clarify. Man-hair being facial hair lmao
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March 7, 2017 at 8:49 pm
Thanks for bringing up this heavy issue. I have been obsessed with tiny homes and that has been one of my biggest gripes with a lot of the layouts of the homes, especially when it’s off grid. So not only are you shitting near the apple pie but you’re allowing that shit to just sit there, never going into the water abyss that we are used to seeing our shit magically disappear to. Now the apples done spoiled and no one wants that in their pie. A travesty I say…. a horrible travesty of home decor! I am glad you are being a beacon of light for this seemingly hopeless situation. God bless you sir. 😛
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March 14, 2017 at 4:57 pm
Hey my friend! Sorry for the late response, I have been away for a while.
Lol @ letting shit sit in the apple pie. I never even considered that! My parents home is arranged like this – and the kitchen table is right up against the wall that also belongs to the bathroom. This means that food is always on the table … so shit seeping into the apple pie is a regular occurrence lol.
God bless you too, my dear!
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March 8, 2017 at 3:16 pm
OMG!!!!!!! I cannot believe you wrote this!
I got into the worse trouble as a kid for complaining that my Grandparents bathroom faced the kitchen just like this! The toilet wasn’t visible but the bathroom was right there!
One day my mom asked me why I wasn’t eating my breakfast and I said, “I can’t because of the bathroom.”
It actually hurt my Grandmother’s feelings and I got chewed out for it; hell I was only 3 or 4.
Anyway, the next year when I came to visit, my Grandfather had built a closet between the bathroom and the kitchen just because of what I said.
I just couldn’t believe that I was the only one that had a problem with it! Hell I’ve seen my Dad doing construction in a bathroom while eating a sandwich! YUCK!!!!!!
That whole ordeal is a freaking legend in my family. One of my cousins commented, “You and your big mouth changed the whole architecture of our Grandparents home!
Unbelievable!
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March 12, 2017 at 10:57 am
SMDH see even as a lil girl u was bossy and stuck up hahahaha
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March 13, 2017 at 9:44 am
I was just communicating my needs! LOL!!!
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March 14, 2017 at 9:49 am
Lmaooo – that is an awesome story. Amazing that the observations and concerns of a child motivated the restructuring of a house! Children have no filter – and are able to see situations as they ARE.
Bathrooms near the kitchen are absolutely disgusting! My parents’ house is currently arranged like this and it kills me. People should at least exercise discretion better and not relieve themselves while people are dining. I mean, sheesh, that’s just downright ignorant!
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March 14, 2017 at 10:17 am
I’m just so amazed to find that someone else has feelings as strong about this as I do.
I cannot imagine anyone being at peace with that type of set up.
I was talking to one of my cousins who said that it could have been that more of us thought it was bad but that I was the only one to vocalize it! LOL!!!
Hey, the squeaky wheel gets the oil.
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March 14, 2017 at 10:49 am
Lol, yes! I am sure that other folks felt the same and didn’t speak on it. Pretty soon, probably today, I am going to write another post about Architectural Terrorism that we tend to overlook. So stay tuned, I am sure you’ll appreciate it lol
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March 14, 2017 at 1:22 pm
You know I’ll be watching out for it 🙂
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March 30, 2017 at 10:12 am
Out of your entire story, you know what stood out to me? How BOMB men used to be lol! Your Grandfather was like:
“My sweetie has a problem so let me just fix it.” Why can’t men be this way today? Is it so hard to build me a freakin’ closet?! lololol I’m kidding. But seriously, men loved to come to the aid or rescue of their women. It was something to take pride in. Now its considered more admirable to shun and dismiss her.
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March 30, 2017 at 1:27 pm
Thanks Ms. NosyJosie! So true. I just did a post about my Grandfather called “The Flowering Vine: More to the story.” I also included a picture and I talked about exactly what you just said…they don’t make them like that anymore!
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March 15, 2017 at 11:54 pm
Incredible
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March 16, 2017 at 10:20 am
Thanks!
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