In the first part of this series, I elucidated how both the Holy Bible and key philosophers privilege sight at the expense of touch. This follow-up will examine the shortcomings of this visual bias and no-touch culture.
Over the past two weeks, I’ve had the opportunity to view two inspiring images. The first picture was posted by Lady G – and showed a couple holding hands as the sun set with a caption that read “love is the only way home”. Our conversation brought an entire stream of thoughts to mind, beginning with the Freudian argument that romantic relationships are often a retreat to our childhood. There is tremendous wisdom to the fact that we come into this world connected to another human being. Our initial bond is physical and based on direct contact. We begin as helpless infants depending upon our mothers for survival. The first sense that embryos develop in the womb is touch; which becomes associated with the affection of caregivers long into adulthood with loving relationships.
Cutting the umbilical cord is not simply an event that occurs in the delivery room – it is a process that structures our society. As we mature, the demands of civilization stifle our primordial desire for connection. To properly ‘develop’, our preference for touch must vanish. In the United States, the standard unit of development is the individual, not the group. American culture is based on the singular pronouns I, me, and my instead of the plural pronouns we, our, and us. Each person is viewed as being apart from the collective as opposed to being a part of the collective. We foolishly celebrate our alienation from the intimacy of others. A consequence is the normalization of a no-touch culture that demonizes dependency and even harmless forms of contact.
Schools and the Criminalization of Touch
Schools are a microcosm of society – and classrooms are enforcing prohibitions on touch. In their effort to eliminate disobedience and bullying, school districts have implemented ‘zero tolerance’ policies that punish minor actions with harsh consequences. Under these circumstances, absurdity escalates to the point where students receive detention for sharing lunch with their friends. Unsurprisingly, touch has been criminalized in all forms. At some schools, the touch component in the game of ‘tag’ is banned because officials believe it leads to fights or arguments. Equally disturbing is the fact that strict rules against giving hugs are enforced in select schools. Such a policy is ridiculous because research shows that when adolescents touch more, rates of violence decrease – and vice versa (Field, 1999). This condemnation of touch is a cultural mandate of isolation. Many classrooms are hostile no-contact zones that breed a helpless state of paralysis.
Police officers now roam the hallways of many schools. Even though students are not able to touch each other, law enforcement agents can stop, search, and frisk pupils at will. In our attempt to ensure ‘safety’, all we have done is replace affectionate touch with violent touch.
Touch as a Threat to Public Health
When touch is not being framed as a threat to public safety, it is often viewed as a danger to public health. With a slight rhetorical shift, the fear of violence becomes a fear of sickness. Every person is criminalized as a carrier of deadly bacteria. Consequently, intimate contact with the flesh of other people requires extreme precaution or avoidance altogether. Our no-touch culture is legitimized with a note from the doctor. Protecting ourselves from germs is not the problem – it is our failure to be mindful of a balance. The constant avoidance of disease mandates isolation, which in turn creates mental illness. The joys of touch have been blunted by a complete obsession with risk reduction. Handshakes are now followed by prompt visits to the restroom to wash away minor exposures to contaminants. In public spaces, hand-sanitizer dispensers are regular fixtures for everyone who does not already carry a bottle on their key chain.
Sadly, the spread of germs is blamed on individuals – as opposed to condemning the fact that millions of people are without health insurance. The United States is the only industrial nation without universal healthcare. Since we are politically out of touch, we become more afraid to touch.
The Privatization of Love and the Socialization of Violence
The second image was taken and posted by Dr. K E Garland. Similarly, this picture showed a couple being intimate in a public space. This made me think of our no-touch culture and the adverse impact it has on romantic relationships. Consistent with the logic of capitalism, cultural norms dictate that affection is privatized to the bedroom. Meanwhile, violent spectacles (i.e. the news, sports, etc) are ubiquitous and available on demand for the viewing pleasure of all.
Pornography embodies the intersection of violence and pleasure – with entire genres dedicated to eroticizing the degradation of sexual partners. This material is readily available on the Internet. In fact, more people (typically men) visit porn sites than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined. A consequence is that men who regularly view this content have a harder time engaging in real, intimate relationships (Dines, 2010). Once again, the preference for sight over touch reveals itself. The hardcore sexual images often desensitize men to a point where abuse is the only pleasure they feel.
We are now at a point where open displays of affection are small acts of rebellion against a violent status quo. I dream of a day where holding hands is not ‘inspiring’ at all because it is so commonplace. We need to centralize touch as the bedrock of our society – and we can make a small contribution to this effort by simply touching others more often.
References:
Dines, Gail (2010) Pornland: How the porn industry hijacks our sexuality
Field, Tiffany (1999) American adolescents touch each other less and are more aggressive toward their peers as compared with French adolescents. Adolescence, 753-8
December 5, 2016 at 2:02 pm
This is so sad…. the internet and social media seem to be more important than any physical touch these days. Our souls need touch though.
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December 5, 2016 at 2:05 pm
For real!! We see glimpses of that even on social media platforms. Facebook has a “poke” feature, and Twitter had a “nudge” feature. But no one really uses the poke on FB – and Twitter did away with the nudge option a while ago. So even on social media we are not committed to even fake touching anymore lol.
I agree: our souls long for physical contact. But we have boiled our interpretation of “connection” down to “WiFi connection”
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December 5, 2016 at 2:07 pm
Exactly.
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December 5, 2016 at 5:28 pm
Thanks for the ping back Darryl! This is an interesting topic. Now I’m going to be observing how people function in public spaces.
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December 5, 2016 at 5:49 pm
Hey, thanks for the inspiration 😀 And lol, I feel you, people-watching is one of my favorite pastimes!
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December 5, 2016 at 6:49 pm
Interestingly enough, social media makes people anti social and now we have a placebo effect of social disorders. How can someone be socially awkward if they never try? This is a great series you posted on the cause and effect of human interaction.
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December 5, 2016 at 7:46 pm
Thank you brotha!
Good point – social media does encourage anti social behavior. But in the minds of many, especially the youth who play on their gizmos more than outside in the playground, social media counts as “interaction”. Instead of meeting at the mall, social media has become a virtual mall where people upload pictures and videos of themselves all day.
Kids are on their phones at the dinner table. How are they going to know how to have conversations in person ?!
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December 6, 2016 at 12:07 am
Exactly man that’s the truth.
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December 5, 2016 at 7:08 pm
Bro Darryl!!!!
I feel so honored that you pinged me on this post.
I am Lady G, and I wholeheartedly approve this message! LOL!
YAAASSSS!
You DID that!
So, seriously, this idea of ‘zero tolerance’ in schools gets on my last nerve. Those types of policies leave no room for sensible judgment.
You mean to tell me you can’t tell the difference between an innocent hug and a flagrant fondle?
Come on now!
Police in schools? WTF? My brother is a Law Enforcement Consultant having worked in high-level Law Enforcement for more than 20 years.
Well, baby bro says that when you put police officers in schools, they will automatically begin to unnecessarily see and treat students as criminals–they can’t seem to help it.
That’s why you get issues like a campus police officer body-slamming a student who is passively resisting orders (a girl, no less!).
Frankly, I would have told the class, “C’mon, if she wants to sit there on her phone, let her do it by herself!”
Many people have disagreed with this tactic, but having worked in mental health with patients who are actively resistant, I find that the best thing to do is to isolate them.
Simply put, fire cannot be met with fire!
There HAS to be a feasible route for de-escalation to occur simply because some people feel the need to act up for an audience especially after they have ‘started something’–it becomes an issue of pride.
Anyway…
A word on porn…
I taught my son early on that porn tends to reduce people to parts and pieces. In essence, you are watching a male part enter a female part…etc…
What a skewed view that creates for young men and women?
Where is the WHOLE act of lovemaking? The intimacy?
Don’t get me wrong, I get the curiosity, hell I looked at everything I could get my eyes on when I was young but back then we did not have the access that kids today have.
As you have so keenly observed, too much porn creates higher levels of tolerance which leads folks to NEED to see more and more aggressive stuff in order to become stimulated.
Ok, off my soapbox…
You know Darryl, I really appreciate you stressing our society’s crazy need to separate ourselves as individuals. Some have posited that there is really only ONE of us here—we are just waves in one big ocean-all apart of the whole One!
Again, another stellar post love 🙂
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December 5, 2016 at 8:18 pm
Hey Lady G! LOL, I am glad you approve this message! I was somewhat weary about the conclusions I was drawing and whether or not you’d appreciate the association with porn, lol.
Your brother is absolutely right about police being in the schools. You know what I always wonder: what happened to those “children are the future” bumper stickers? There was a time when I saw those everywhere, and everybody and their grandmama was foaming at the mouth with that cheesy line. But it meant something, right!? Nowadays, children are not beacons of hope or symbols of the future anymore … they are symbols of everything that is wrong with the world. Older folks look at these kids like they are nothing more than hoodlums with baggy jeans – bound for prison or the grave. Any society that looks at children this way is doomed. The schools have this mentality: a lot of teachers, especially in black/brown neighborhoods, don’t really want to teach … they are more concerned with disciplining the kids. I saw that video you are talking about with ol’ boy dragging and throwing that young girl. The news was talking about his excessive force … I was more concerned with the fact that he was in the class to begin with!! You feel me? Lame discussion in the media always manages to leave THAT out. Is this an institution of learning or is it merely a training ground for prison?
And you are right … these zero tolerance policies have no sense of discretion of judgment. All they do is paint with a broad brush. The entire logic mimics the mandatory minimum/three-strikes laws from the War on Drugs. And your boy Trump is vowing to make it worse.. its crazyy!
About porn… you have done right by keeping it 100 with your son. That’s more than a lot of parents can say. Pornography is awful – even when they try to make it more “romantic” or “humane” to appeal to women, it is still all about, as you said, body parts as opposed to a more holistic experience. No doubt … I have had my fair share of watching these videos. Part of this post was me talking to myself and trying to heal – because those images are ab-so-lute-ly toxic. It takes a while to undo those images and purge them from your mind. Each video has the same format … where foreplay is viewed as nothing more than a necessary warm-up for the “real” show of penetration. Dudes really need to detox themselves of this view, as there is more to sensuality than simply jack-hammering for a few minutes. Anyway, I’m off that LOL!!
I feel you – we are all One. Society is a hoax that makes us forget this. The word “persona” is Latin for mask. What are our personas/personalities masking? … the fact that we are all One! Life is one big game of hide and seek – we go around searching for this and pursuing that and taking ourselves wayyyy too seriously – but we don’t realize we have already arrived. We are that which we are searching for.
Always a pleasure talking to you =D xO
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December 6, 2016 at 6:21 pm
It is always great talking to you Darryl 🙂
Keep giving us great posts like this one 🙂
I so appreciate your willingness to be open about your own struggles.
We all have our ‘something.’
LOL!
Many of us are dealing with the SAME things; most of us aren’t brave enough to admit to it–let along share it.
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December 6, 2016 at 8:02 pm
Heyyyyy. Thanks fam! Did you ever recover from that cold? I hope so!
You are right. I try to be honest with myself – as I find my shortcomings kind of funny or pathetic and they are excellent fodder for my writing. =D
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December 5, 2016 at 10:08 pm
Who even thinks about these things?! Surely I will now that you brought it to my attention. Thank you.
It’s amazing how commonplace visuals can conjure up such deep thoughts. Awesome post.
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December 5, 2016 at 10:24 pm
Hi Kelley! Thank you! I am always grateful for your feedback! After a while, everything and everyone becomes connected in subtle ways 😀
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December 6, 2016 at 1:01 am
These ‘politically correct’ times are very damaging. People do not realize that the hugs ban and food sharing bans are very real! These same schools have security guards and metal detectors. The kids are made to feel like criminals, but they cannot hug their teacher, nor be generous and share a meal. The society tries to sanitize itself. Well, people do not want that! It is unnatural and makes the children fearful.
Addiction recovery programs teach ‘hugs not drugs’. That is because human touch is good for people. They also know that babies do not develop properly unless they are given touch, held by parents or caretakers. There were studies on Romanian orphans a while back and they found this to be true. The babies were left alone in cribs, no one holding them on a regular basis. and they ended up with many physical and emotional problems.
I also suspect the great increases in food allergies may be due in part to this big sanitization of everything. Immune systems will not build properly without exposure to at least some germs.
We must bring back touch!
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December 6, 2016 at 9:09 am
Exactly! Great connection between political correctness and no-touch culture!
Addiction recovery programs have the right idea – as the unfulfilled desire for affectionate touch likely leads a lot of people to use drugs to begin with.
I feel you about the rise in food allergies. Our immune systems need SOME germs to practice on … so we are doing ourselves a major disservice by wiping and scrubbing every surface we come in minor contact with.
It is a shame that an entire sense perception has been shunned as criminalized. But we need to stop being so afraid and touch more – as it does wonders for addressing some of the problems we are facing!
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December 6, 2016 at 5:58 pm
Yes, totally. When I was a kid (a million years ago!) food allergies were almost unheard of — and none of them were life threatening. I was certainly allowed to give my teachers a hug. Lunch swapping? Ha, a daily occurrence!
But yes, I think there is a definite thread from political correctness, to law suits, to the current anti touch paranoia (and many other things) in our society.
Great piece, parts one and two spot on!
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December 6, 2016 at 7:58 pm
Smh – things have certainly changed for the worse! Thank you Christine! I am always grateful for your feedback =D
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December 6, 2016 at 4:12 pm
Fascinating two-part post. Your line about being politically out of touch making us afraid to touch, is so right on, makes me want to hug you. Namaste, i.e., the light in me TOUCHES the light in you. Glad I found you (by way of Malakhai) and await more enlightening material.
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December 6, 2016 at 10:49 pm
Lol! Thank you my friend! I am glad these posts were of value to you. I am giving you a cyber-hug now! Speak soon 😀
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