With all the excess turkey and mashed potatoes stored away for leftovers, we now move towards the end of year holiday celebrations. Christmas music will now start playing at every department store. If your neighbors are anything like mine, the lawns on your street are already decorated with lights and inflatable snowmen – making your house look bad by comparison!
Perhaps the most important tradition is the practice of telling children about Santa Claus. For generations, the tale of a gregarious man who delivers gifts across the globe has been instilled in the minds of youth. Very rarely, though, do we interrogate the message this sends children and the larger worldview it upholds.
When we really study song lyrics about Santa Claus, two disturbing trends are evident: 1). he has the habits of a pedophile, and 2). he is a lazy, exploitative capitalist. For these reasons, we should seriously rethink the role that Santa Claus is allowed to play in our Christmas celebrations.
Santa Claus Has the Habits of a Pedophile
In America, people are constantly on guard against the sexual violation of children. Yet, when it comes to Santa Claus, we soften our defense. When we listen to the song Santa Claus is Coming to Town, several red flags are set off. Consider the following lyrics: “he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake”. The question is: from where is Santa watching?! From outside our children’s bedroom window in a ski mask? Or did he place a small camera inside a teddy bear – and he is watching from a white van around the block?
The entire profile of Santa Claus would merit a criminal investigation if it belonged to anyone else. After all, he is a grown man who devotes all of his vigor to other people’s children. Does that sound normal to you?! Go ahead: try going to a playground and handing out “gifts” to random youth. It will take all but 2.5 seconds before their parents intervene and suspect you of being a pervert. So why is that we teach our children that a strange man slides down the chimney in the middle of the night to distribute presents?! In a roundabout way, we are normalizing the foreign surveillance of children in the name of ‘discipline’. Additionally, we are overlooking the fact that Santa has a long history of breaking & entering into residences to keep our children sated or happy.
This guy is a major creep. It is time we put Santa Claus on the sex offender registry.
The Santa Tale Upholds Capitalist Exploitation
It is obvious that Santa Claus is the mascot of Christmas. However, as we put Santa on a pedestal, we overlook that there is an entire system of labor that goes beyond this figurehead to include Mrs. Claus, the reindeer, and the elves. The main question is: who does what during the productive process?
Several decades ago, the late great Nat King Cole recorded the song Mrs. Santa Claus. According to the lyrics, Mrs. Claus performs a litany of tasks such as:
“Feed the reindeer all their hay,
wrap the gifts and pack the sleigh,
helping Santa all day
… keeping his red suit looking nice, and giving him advice
giving the brownies their spice.
Read the notes from girls and boys,
turn in the order for their toys”
The elves spend an enormous amount of time manufacturing toys for children. In the song We Are Santa’s Elves, we learn that they “work hard all day … filling Santa’s shelf with a toy for each girl and boy”. From the track Ten Little Elves, we discern that the elves work in unison “sewing, painting, sawing, hammering, and wrapping” the gifts. In other words, the North Pole is a factory with an assembly line style of production, and the elves are part of the workforce.
We cannot forget about the reindeer! The song Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer shows us that they guide the sleigh for main deliveries.
So, if the reindeer guide the sleigh, the elves make the toys, and Mrs. Claus helps facilitate these processes – what exactly does Santa do? Nothing!! All he does is take credit for the hard work that everyone else already did! He simply shows up to deliver the finished product, and walks away with all the glory. Santa does not contribute to the actual process of production – he simply owns the sleigh and the factory that the products are made in. He is not a worker, he is an owner. This means he is a lazy capitalist who survives solely by exploiting his workforce: Mrs. Claus, the elves, and the reindeer.
Under capitalism, we reward those who are unproductive and devalue those who are productive. The central figures of Christmas should be Mrs. Claus, the elves, and/or the reindeer – not Santa Claus.
November 25, 2016 at 3:05 pm
Darryl, you are too much! LOL!!!!
You gave me a good belly laugh!
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November 25, 2016 at 3:21 pm
Lol! Glad it came across as satirical to you!
Trying to lighten some of my content while also poking fun at slightly ridiculous traditions! Haha
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November 25, 2016 at 3:26 pm
Actually, you did a masterful job here!
I loved it 🙂
It never hurts to lighten up now and then.
I loved that poem you did about watching your Dad eat…
That was funny as hell!!!!
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November 25, 2016 at 3:32 pm
Thank you! Trying to have a full range of emotions, I guess: serious, funny, loving, etc 😀
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November 25, 2016 at 3:34 pm
You got it!
🙂
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November 25, 2016 at 9:03 pm
LOL!! You are hilarious! Back in my youth, I had a few punk rock songs alluding to the pedo habits of Santa, haha.
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November 25, 2016 at 9:12 pm
Lol – glad to know I am not the only one getting the heebie jeebies from this guy!
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November 25, 2016 at 11:13 pm
This is the perfect analogy for the white men that run major corporations/the world and the images the perpetuate.
Oh and I was never sure if Mrs. Claus was a homemaker or what. Now I know.
Excellent analysis!
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November 26, 2016 at 2:06 pm
Thank you Kelley! I am glad you understand – the narratives we feed to children are not random, they are filled with problematic messages designed to train their soft minds into becoming docile citizens.
Always good speaking to you =D
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November 27, 2016 at 11:16 pm
So sadly true!
And it’s always my pleasure 😉
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November 28, 2016 at 11:59 am
I could not stop laughing after reading this. This perspective is hilarious.
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November 28, 2016 at 12:58 pm
Haha, thanks for reading, my friend! =D
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November 28, 2016 at 12:55 pm
Smiling
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November 28, 2016 at 1:00 pm
Glad this piece made you smile =D
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November 28, 2016 at 3:18 pm
A reach, but funny.
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November 28, 2016 at 3:32 pm
It’s a satirical piece … all reaches intentional. Thanks for stopping by!
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December 6, 2016 at 8:04 pm
I don’t get where you’re reaching at! It all makes perfect sense to me. Plus it was HILARIOUS!!!
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December 6, 2016 at 8:05 pm
Lol thanks bro – I was a little thrown off by that comment. The dots definitely line up with this
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December 6, 2016 at 8:09 pm
Lol! I know right, I was thrown off too. I thought it was a superb piece as usual!
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December 6, 2016 at 8:12 pm
I appreciate the love, fam!
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December 6, 2016 at 8:14 pm
You know it!
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November 28, 2016 at 11:36 pm
Darryl, I swear you are too funny. I laughed the entire way through. I was on the fence in the beginning but you made some very valid points about him seeing you when your sleeping and giving out presents to kids he doesn’t even know all to which I find very creepy. As a child, I always thought the tradition of Saint Nicholas wasn’t really for my culture but I understood that it helped kids continue to get good grades if they wanted any good gifts that year. Great visuals you painted per usual!!
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November 29, 2016 at 4:21 am
Haha thanks! I agree – Santa is often used to get children to behave and try harder in school. Always great talking to you 😀
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December 3, 2016 at 3:53 am
You know what’s sad is that Black Santa’s are taboo and looked down upon. So it’s okay for whites to play our characters in movies (cleopatra, Jesus, etc) but a black man playing a fictional character in Paganism is frowned upon??? Smh. Great post brotha Daryl
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December 3, 2016 at 2:13 pm
Thanks bro! Good point..
Idk if I told you but I came to realize I was black because my grandma had a mug with black Santa on it, and my younger bro (four years old then) asked “why is Santa dirty?”
Santa being white is definitely a problem. I know that when I have kids, I am not about to spend hundreds of dollars and give credit to some mythical white dude. Santa ain’t buy you nothing, DADDY got that for you lol.
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December 3, 2016 at 2:19 pm
Lmfao hahahahahahhahahaha hell yea see you get it. But you will still have friends and maybe some family Who will “judge” you and your parenting skills due to that. That whole statement “it takes a village” has negative parts as well.
For instance: hypothetically if you have children and you don’t want your children to watch a certain tv show or eat a certain type of food. Someone will always challenge that to prove that they are cool or that they are different. Grandparents use the proverbial “grandparent pass” But it undermines your parenting.
It’s tough because I don’t celebrate Xmas but my daughter and twins do. My daughter is cool with that and the boys don’t understand Xmas, they just know that someone will get them gifts regardless. So society looks at me weird. At work I don’t attend the Xmas party. But I still will pitch in and help set up or help buy food and supplies. My own belief is different from society’s but I also know that It’s so important to so many. I try not to be the GRINCH so I just become a hermit around the holidays.
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December 3, 2016 at 2:37 pm
It is good that you are toeing the line and not being hostile to something you don’t personally celebrate. That is more than I could do! Lol
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December 3, 2016 at 2:42 pm
Hahahahaha I have my days but I still stay away from alot of it. It’s the letter of the law vs the spirit of the law almost. Besides it’s a good way to fuck with people and you know me, I’m petty. Hahahahahah
“Ohhhh you don’t celebrate Xmas, Tareau? Are u mooslim?” (lmao not Muslim, mooslim)
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December 3, 2016 at 3:13 pm
Lmao! Muslims are definitely seen as outsiders. I went to my girlfriend’s aunt’s house and told her I didn’t eat pork. She immediately thought I was a Muslim … as if Muslims are the only ones who don’t eat pork. Smh lol
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December 3, 2016 at 3:19 pm
Hahahahahhahahaahahahahahhahahahahhahhahhahahahahahahaha.
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December 9, 2016 at 3:02 am
Why did you have to go and ruin Christmas for me?! lmbo! I swear I was laughing within the first few sentences – and out loud. I love how you packaged so much truth in satire. This made me think of all of the unsettling nursery rhymes and such from childhood. Why are adults such creeps?! 😀
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December 9, 2016 at 11:56 am
Lol! Glad I could make you laugh! We take so much granted with these children’s songs – because they rhyme and because they have catchy lyrics. But the messages be horribleeee! lol =D Glad to hear from you!
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December 13, 2016 at 8:22 am
Not sure how I missed this! I think I was still thinking about Thanksgiving Anywho, I laughed from the title to the last sentence. This is pretty accurate and I’d never thought about it this way. Everything is just a symbol for something else, and I wouldn’t put it past anyone to have created this whole idea simply to control the masses in some implicit way.
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December 13, 2016 at 11:54 am
Haha, yes – while this is a satirical piece I am kiiinda being serious. I love when people break down classic children’s films like The Lion King to expose their lowkey racism and sexism. Disney is awful lol. They start brainwashing kids real young with this stuff! I agree … these are control mechanisms!
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December 13, 2016 at 1:06 pm
Disney is THE worst!!! They “try” and always fail horribly. Best failure…The Princess and The Frog.
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December 13, 2016 at 2:23 pm
Lol yes I had to suffer through that one with my niece. It had a decent moral about love and acceptance but their execution defeated it lol
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December 13, 2016 at 9:12 pm
Santa will never be the same after this one. Ah.. but I never believed in his ass anyway. lol Go figure. Very interesting take though on the traditional story of Santa. There are so many side-eyes with these holidays and their messaging, You think it’s all sweet and innocent but then you find out, there are some other subliminals being thrown in there for good measure.
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December 14, 2016 at 12:04 pm
Lol – I am glad to hear you didn’t believe in him! I do not have children, but if I do have any, I do not want to teach them about Santa Claus. It seems as if the whole tale is a collective form of psychosis that society just agrees upon lol. I do not want to lie to my child(ren) for the sake of …. getting things – as that may destabilize trust between us.
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December 14, 2016 at 6:30 pm
The whole Santa Claus thing is super strange and I probably won’t teach them about him either but they may be influenced by children around them and ask about Santa and I may play along so that he or she won’t spoil for the other children who believe. lol
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December 14, 2016 at 7:04 pm
Lol – that is a very real dynamic! There is always that one child who spoils it for the other children. Did you ever see that episode of Everybody Hates Chris where Tonya ruins it for another kid and then the girl’s mom showed up at her door all extra upset! lolol
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December 14, 2016 at 7:09 pm
Lol I never saw that episode but it sounds hilarious!
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December 23, 2016 at 4:14 pm
I have never looked at it from that perspective. No naivete, personally Santa Claus is just a mere personification that is only a normal part of childhood.
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