The way you eat causes loss of appetites.
Grandma’s apple pie … (mm-mm!)
before I’ve even had a slice,
your eye is on my plate trying to ask for bites.
Seeing you dine without a fork and plastic knife
is by far the most primitive and saddest sight.
You need to do us all a favor
and make the sacrifice
to fast for life –
because it’s a misdeed
watching you eat crackers and Swiss cheese.
A simple act turned into an aesthetic blitzkrieg
that could’ve made your lips bleed.
I’d rather watch a scarecrow do a strip tease.
Don’t open that bag of chips, please!
You know, there are napkins,
so stop wiping sauce on your ripped jeans
and unfastening your belt to “let your hips breathe.”
Oh, great – other people in the restaurant
are requesting to switch seats
because you chew like a slugger in the big leagues.
Dumping hot sauce on everything
ejecting minced meat
onto my cheek whenever you misspeak.
You disgust even pigs that lick feet!
By Darryl Walker Jr
(c) Copyright 2016-2017